Mind Vs Heart

These few weeks have been quite a hard time for me. So many changes, trials, temptations, etc.

The hardest probably is the mind vs heart. My heart wanted to do something but my mind is very reluctant or my mind wanted to so something and my heart is reluctant. I'm contradicting myself most of the times. Rev Ha's sermon was a good mirror to my current situation as well. I didn't like what I've turned into.

For example, I wanted to be a cell group leader to help lead the members but my mind is saying no, at least not right now. I wanted to get involved in neighbourhood watch but my mind is saying you can't do it as you don't enough time to commit. I wanted to sponsor a theological student or missionary but my mind says you are poor yourself. I know I wanted to study theology but my heart feels that I'm not ready. My heart wanted to do more for the church, my mind doesn't. Few weeks ago, I've already surfed on SIM website to look for missionary works but my mind is just resisting it. :S

November has been quite a mess for me, spiritually and mentally. Year is ending but what about me? If I'm lucky, a new year awaits then it just go round & round.

Right now, 大局未定, don't know who will be the 龙头 or 君.

Mentally, it's resisting me from doing anything for now, which is not a good feeling as it's suppressing what my heart wanted to do. Answers should be out by this Wednesday and next week though it should all still within expectation.

Will it helped my situation or damage has been done? Can I still regroup & refocus? How well can I fare this spiritual growth challenge? My heart seems willing, but my mind is not willing to. There're still things which I can't let go. It's so hard, so hard.....

大事不妙.......

I guess I need to apply the 36th strategy: 走为上